Oh... Yeah, Baby... Oh.. Stanley.. You're so... DARK?

It is officially 2:25 AM as I start this blog.

(MP: I know you wanted me to do a Bromo Cooking blog, but I'll do that later)

It went a little something like this... Cue the music. Uh, Uh, Uh, Yeah, CUT!

Chris: *Dials phone* Yo Greta, where you at!?
Greta: Downtown.

Chris: Wanna chill tonight?
Greta: Yeah, I'm trying to finish dessert, pick me up?
Chris: Aights, I'm heading down right now.

After getting lost in Downtown for 10 minutes, doing an illegal 3-point turn in the middle of downtown that opened up a parking gate, scaring the shit out of myself, turning the wrong way into a one way street and almost getting Greta killed as I told her to cross the street, I finally picked her up and we tried to finesse our way out of downtown. Only to end up on the street heading into Stanley Park.

Chris: Hey, I know this road, it goes to the beach! (evidently not)
Greta: Cool, let's go!

As I take the right turn (of doom) into Stanley Park, I soon realized that there wasn't going to be a beach. Nope. But we did find a lighthouse thing.

Chris: *Parks car* Lets go out and look at stuff!
Greta: *Walking around, taking pictures, shivering the cold* OMG VANCOUVER IS SO BEAUTIFUL!!

After it got much too cold even for my muscular fantasticity, we jumped back in the car and started down the road. It was dark. And as we turned the corner, deeper into the mysterious Stanley Park forest we went, and hilarity ensues.

Chris: Oh god, its so dark. I should turn on my hi-beams. *Flick*
Greta: OMG WHO IS THAT BEHIND US, HE'S FOLLOWING US. AHH!!!!!
Chris: Hmm.. I wonder what this does. *Flick*
Greta: OMFG HE DOESN'T KNOW HOW TO WORK THE HEADLIGHTS WE'RE DOOMED!!
Chris: Fuck, I'm gonna hit a deer or some shit. Motherfuck! AHH! Its so fucking dark! Fuck!
Greta: WE NEED SOME DAY N' NITE UP IN THIS!
Chris: Fuck, where'd that car go!?
Greta: Is that a bridge? Where does it go? *Points at Lions Gate*
Chris: ... North Van.
Greta: OMG DO NOT GO ON THAT BRIDGE! WE'RE GOING ON THE BRIDGE AREN'T WE, AREN'T WE!!!??!?!?!!
Chris: NO! SHUT UP! I'LL FIND A WAY OUT!
Greta: OMG WE'RE GOING ON THE BRIDGE! AHH!
Chris: NO! THE BRIDGE IS RIGHT THERE, WE PASSED IT! GOD DAMN.
Greta: Ok.. Ok.. WTF IS THAT A CYCLIST?!?!
Chris: YEAH HE'S GONNA RAPE US AND SHIT!
Greta: AHH!!!!
Chris: *Reads Sign "Third Beach"* Ok, I think I know where we are.. This is the way to English Bay..

*Turns the corner, more forest, more people following us, then we were following a guy*

Greta: Lets follow this guy out!
Chris: He's going too fast!!!
Greta: OMG DON'T CHASE HIM!
Chris: YOU SAID FOLLOW HIM!

Chris: Damnit, we lost him.

After driving around in Stanley Park for more than half an hour in the pitch black darkness, I'm glad to say that we didn't hit any deer, bears, polar rats, homeless people or bitchez n' hoez.

Nigguh.

That is what we did. July 12, 2009.

ROFFLEWAFFLES!